1. You shouldn’t have to change yourself
No. I completely disagree with this statement. Yeah, I get it. Whatever happened to accepting each other for the way they are. Look, I’m not saying you need to change your values or ethics. But if your man thinks you’re too loud, to be it down a bit. He has to live with you now. It’s different.
Yes, the loud girl is was me. I hated how my man was such a pushover. I told him he needed to speak up more- tell the waiter there’s an item on the receipt we didn’t order. Why the hell you wanna pay for that when we didn’t eat it? Dafuk? Another thing he hates about me is my potty mouth..
When we would talk about my loudness or his pushover ways, there was a battle inside us. Why doesn’t he/she accept me the way that I am? Look, even your closest home girl has things you can’t oversee if you start living with her. I tried staying at my bffs for 2 weeks at her place and I was so annoyed by the end of those two weeks I was relieved to be going back home NGL.
And if your spouse thinks there’s things that could be tweaked about you, others probably think so too.
2. The first year is the honeymoon phase.
Unless you two were living together before marriage, prepare for a hell of a rollercoaster ride ahead. Sorry to break it to you but there is no honeymoon phase in the first few years at least. You know that alone time you craved when you came home after an 8 hour shift? Or the clean bathroom you love having your spa rituals in? Or the ugly that is you that you get to unravel after being formal and well mannered all day long? Those blessings will be tampered with real quick.
You don’t know how someone is until you live with them. You only know the good side of your partner when you two live separately because you control what parts you share of yourselves to each other. That annoyed AF you won’t be annoyed AF when you talk to your hunnie on the phone – all you have to do is tell him you’re tired from so and so and exchange some pleasant words and off to bed you go. Done.
You’re literally around each other all the time when you live together. Your habits, your pet peeves, your routine, it all gets disrupted enter a new person. Two individuals are trying to mesh into one without disrupting each other’s comfort zones- that shit takes ALOT of adapting and energy, and most importantly – time.
My husband and I are two very different personalities. I am more introverted and he is 100% an extrovert. He couldn’t care less if the bathroom mirrors are wiped down or whether the sink area is wet. I on the other hand am a perfectionist and love a clean bathroom. Adapting to someone else’s lifestyle is not easy and it can be very stressful!
Needless to say, there was a lot of clashing during our first two years. Definitely not honeymoon like. Those first two years were very nerve-wracking for sure.
3. Don’t go to sleep angry
I can’t even count the amount of times that this piece of advice has gotten my relationship into even more trouble than it was from the initial argument. Imagine you’re working a 40 hour work week, which a majority of us do. You’re exhausted. Now imagine you and your spouse get into a fight over something small or big or whatever it is. You try to talk it out maybe for an hour or two but it’s already 7:30 PM and you have to be in bed by 11 so you can wake up for 6 AM to get to work. You ain’t even got kids yet. You really think hashing out an argument till five in the morning is going to be good for your mental health? Trust me we tried this method the first 3-4 years of our marriage. And most of the time trying to talk to him when he was just trying to get to bed for work the next morning made the argument even worse. I didn’t have to wake up early the next morning for work because I don’t have a full-time job. Husband on the other hand is the breadwinner of our home and when I wouldn’t let my husband sleep it would make him even more angry.
I try not to do this anymore. It’s really difficult to do this however when there are really big fights and you’re insecure about your future together. So I’m not saying use this method for those kind of arguments. But personally If its something that can be dealt with later and you think getting some headspace would be good for both of you just leave it alone and call it a night. Your issues will still be there the next day to deal with. Giving each other time to cool off is essential. The next day your argument probably won’t even matter anymore.
xoxo
#bellesbaqwaas
PersonaBelle 