Losing my bff

What a year this was. Lost my best friend out of the blue. No reason why. She just got sick of me I guess. I don’t know. She’ll come around. She always does. She’d be proud of me for starting my blog finally. She always pushed me but I always hesitated.

But the hardest part isn’t losing her, it’s her leaving and not even explaining why.

Getting rid of fake friends

But deuces to my best friend aforementioned. Because I also did that to someone just after. Someone who called me her best friend for several years. Even though she talked shit about me profusely to my friends behind my back. The thing with this girl is she was so manipulative, that even when she ran her mouth to my friends, they didn’t tell me who she really was. My friends were stupid too to be manipulated. They say they didn’t think I’d believe them. I think they just didn’t want the extra drama. I’m okay with that cause either way truth comes out eventually. I think at this age you just don’t have the energy to explain yourself. And when someone does me wrong, and I finally have proof from reliable sources, I will cut a bitch off real fucking quick.

If you have doubts about certain people around you, you’re most likely right. If you think someone can’t be trusted, follow your instinct. Honestly, I wasted too many of my early twenties trying to figure people out when the red flags were there from day one.

Let that shit go.

Social media anxiety

I have anxiety. It started when I was 16-17. After a bad car accident. It got bad as I got older, and then worst since the dawn of Instagram. I feel like there’s this mentality, the more likes you have, the more liked you are. It’s the truth. Everyone thinks that now a days.

I just recently came back from a long trip and I think during my trip I just drew myself away from Instagram for a while. The further I got from Instagram, the more in tune I felt with myself. I’m tired of being sucked into social media for validation. It’s really consumes you. I love posting pictures still but I’ve cut down a lot just because I need real raw relationships that I am around day to day to fulfill my sense of validation. Instagram is a disease and will consume you if you let it. I only care about those who are in my life truly, those are the only people who matter at the end of the day. I love the support I get from my followers, but I don’t like the feeling I get when I don’t have “enough” likes. And that’s what social media has created. Unhealthy competition between bloggers and influencers. I only post shit now when I feel like it. Not when I feel like I’ll become irrelevant if I don’t.

Xoxo

#bellesbaqwaas